appearances

Perfect skin on a guy! The fox would certainly love to have skin like that.

as men in general, appearances are very important to us. there is always something about how a person looks that would influence our judgement of that person. When dealing with people appearances always come first, and you can easily modify your appearance to bring the desired effect on people. It's even more important if you happen to be PLU. There is this need to always appear to be good, picking on every little flaw you have and repairing it. It's always the body or the hair, or the face that needs fixing to look like the picture perfect model of yourself. Sometimes it's the clothes. And because of this, there's the gym, the clothes, the skincare, the proper shampoo, the good stylist, etc, etc etc................

and we call these our needs.

but in reality do we really need this to have a good appearance? Or sometimes, would it be as simple as keeping the food we eat in check and having a positive attitude? I'd say it's a combination of both and its a 50/50 thing. First half would be the attitude and personality, followed by appearance. Average looking foxes like me have all the attitude and personality but is sorely lacking in appearance. Thats why need to make up for it with gymming, skincare, diet and so forth :(

It's because society demands its members to be presentable and neat to make an impression. And impressions can go far and carry us to faraway places either in the workplace or with friends. That is why.

But why do PLU guys tend to overdo the whole thing? Is it an obsession or because we're like women in a man's body?

or is it because, we need to work hard to impress other guys? or make our competitors jealous? is it an insecurity?

But anyhoo, the fox is totally smitten with getting clear and good skin. It all started when he saw his course trainer's boyfriend who had impossibly perfect skin for a guy on the face. No flaws! He's tried aesop and now wants to get it but it's waaay too expensive (at least at the moment). First the LV sling bag and now this?! what's wrong with the fox?! he has never acted this way before >_<" is he starting to lose his mind? The fox is really clueless now...

wet dreams

*gonna try a sarongpartygirl style post. just an experiment. i do have other things to blog about but this is gonna be interesting :P so bear with me ya *

I had a very stressful day on Tuesday, with unnecessary explosions from superiors and whatnot. It felt as if a spiked dildo went too high up my ass and i was pissed at everything even tho i went to gym during the morning and its supposed to work those endorphins in my brain and all...but it didint. I was still all pissy wissy at work and shit happens. But during lunchtime, I had this desire to search for a DVD about the 9tail fox spirit that i saw in the video store the other day, and i just couldnt find it. So I SMSed CJ:

"I'm searching for that 9tail fox DVD"

"What's it called?"
"I dont know. Im a banana and it was written in Chinese. I need it coz it's my moneyboy training material"

"Are you serious? I don't know if I would go out with a moneyboy or not. lol...I'll feel weird. Now already got a bit of gayish body language. It will be more obvious if you have become a moneyboy. Haha!"

"I was just joking haha"

That did help perk me up a little for the day and i went back to office and wishing for the day to end fast.

I spent my night indulging in videogames, because nothing helps me to relax more than being in a fantasy world and managing imaginary units that cater to my every whim. Yes. I love RPGs.

For someone who gets insomias so often, the night was peaceful. I almost fell asleep at the steering wheel so i had to retire early for the night (at about 10.30ish) and woke up feeling realllly sleepy. But somehow or rather it feels good. Then i saw my pants and saw this gigantic, dried up blotch on it. It was almost the size of a CD. And my crotch was still holding a half mast, although i was not horny at all. It's probably a good thing that i dont sleep naked or else cleanup would be a nightmare. Godzilla would probably have a really delicious human marinated in cum for dessert if he ever attacks as well.

I could only imagine if i had a live in boyfriend. He'd probably see the fountain squirting while im in the middle of my sleep at 3am, he'd probably start eating my crotch. After all, it's my seeds and protein. Then, he'd probably sit on it or stick his salami in my tender and sleepy ass waking me up. I'd probably get a shock but would oblige anyway. And end up being too tired to gym or go to work.

Maybe this is my body's way of cheering me up. It did feel really good tho, like good coffee. I wish it'd happen more often.

i'm a lipstick lesbian?

Do my body language look like this sometimes?! NUU NOO NUU I DONT WEAR A TIARAAAAA

Okay, this is quite worrying although it may sound funny for many people.

I'm turning more gay.

I have no idea why but it seems that my body language seems to be a little bit more feminine these days. A few people have commented and it does disturb me deeply.

On the other hand, my str8 colleagues claim they did not notice anything of that sort, unless when i decide to pull a gay joke or two.

Maybe i'm turning from a butch lesbian to a lipstick one? what's happening to me? Is it coz i've been reading launiang's blog too much? or is it the shampoo i'm using? or my cologne? I feel so emasculated! EMASCULATED! my pride as a man has been challenged and damaged! I gotta watch more of those cowboy movies and hypnotize myself into thinking that I am one of them. Or maybe rewatch the L word and try to emulate Shane.

Try as you may, you will never be as butch as Shane. Even if you're straight. Because of that, she's my role model to be a butch lesbian.

I also have urges to own a LV bag of late. However since i stay at cheras, it's the same as wearing a sign that says ROB MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. either that or people assume that i am using a fake. But why would i want a LV bag in the first place?! Is it to show off to people or make me feel that i'm somebody? i currently have no more ideas on how to explain my really funny and somewhat stupid urge to get a LV bag. And no, i wont get it myself before i get my macbook pro and/or iphone 4. Just last month, i never felt the necessity for such a bag. However i do want to be a classier and more dignified person. As a gentleman, the rare breed both in the str8 and gay world or anything else in between. AND ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN IF I EXUDE FEMININE BEHAVIOR!!

Or maybe it will go away after some testostrone pills.

I really hope i dont do the empress walk O_O". If i do, please kill me or put me in one of those camps that cure gayness. Being feminine is not in the list of what i want to be.

If you do know me in real life do help me out on this dept okay? It would be a great help ^_^

Dosent mean i cant enjoy Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Cher and Lady Gaga anymore right? Right? Please tell me im right....

Blonde moments

I'm not fat, just hiding my extra tails...see all white. so old edi. Of coz will be a bit absent minded sometimes..

yes, sadly even the old and brainy fox can sometimes be a blonde. The fox has 9 tails you know, one new tail comes out every 1000 years. So you can say that i have been gathering human DNA since the cavemen era. I'll let u use your imagination on how i did it. But can you imagine something this old can be an airhead at times.

Recently, the fox went to the dentist for the first time in 10,000 years. My excuse is there was none till 200 years ago. And i didint had the time. I was too busy collecting DNA. During scaling the dentist washed fox's mouth with cold water. Then halfway through, she used warm water. It felt so good and warm. Before that, she warned fox that his gums would bleed due to weak gums. It was only 15 minutes after fox felt dizzy when he got up from the dentist chair that the fox realized that those werent warm water.

And the sad part is the fox turns into a blonde whenever he gets overworked. Today was the day he had training and he had to wake up early. he spent the last night chatting with tulsy on MSN. And he had insomia the night before so he didint get much sleep. So what happened was he bought coffee. Hot americano from starbucks. 5mins b4 the class starts. the fox only realized his smart decision when he went to the class and attempted to drink the coffee which would have cooked his insides and then someone could harvest his perfect fur. He had to take a walk in the gardens (yes his training center is near there) to cool the coffee down by opening the lid in broad daylight.

And the blondness continues. the fox kena con by the parking attendant in gardens into thinking that he parked at the premium carpark (maybe thats a mistake the fox made) and was conned into paying rm19. At first the fox only realized after 5 mins that he was conned, and 2 hours later realized that its his mistake for driving into the wrong parking spot. At first fox wanted to complain to management why they didint seal it off, but then again its all fox's mistake for not being smart about parking spots. Cant play victim anymore. Close to my 10,000th bday already. only 300 more years to go. leave that to the little 18 year old kids. Time to own up to my own stupidity and not repeat it. else my already yellow fur gonna turn platinum.

homophobia at work

I work in the IT industry. And one would expect that people around these quarters would be a little more open minded about the whole thing but it seems that nope, its not so, especially not in an IT company. Being inclined to guys and influenced by some friends, i do subconsciously give my sexuality away sometimes. And i do get teased and asked.

My colleague from the same dept did ask this: "are you really gay? if you are i will look down on you". Another problematic colleague who is always causing trouble would tease and imply that i am gay at every turn he gets. Worst trick he pulled out because he thought i was going after the girl he wanted was to change my wallpaper to gay anime pictures (he knew i love anime/manga). However the blame cant be pushed on him as there was no proof. He's homophobic and shows it openly and excessively and even went to courting a girl in office 4 hours a day for months just prove he's not gay. But its pretty obvious that he's closeted because he's trying too hard to prove he's not. That aside, some people do find it fun to spread rumors that i am and treat me differently because of that. Thankfully only 1-2 people behave that way, the rest like me for my friendliness (adapted) and my professionalism in work.

Most straight guys would just say "I hate gays because, they have a tool but instead of a ladypart they wanna do it to a man's ass. i just dont get WHY would they turn away from pretty girls" when asked on why they hated gays. The more idiotic ones would say "eewww gays. i hope they dont molest me." but as a gay guy how do you deflect such statements? You know coming out might cost you your career or give you a hard time at work, so just dont bring that topic to your attention. Dont go flamboyant and do femme things like tell your colleagues about chick flicks, guys and yanno you get it. Dont BITCH, auntie style. Dont call your friends (even those not in office via phone AND PLEASE NO NOT IN PUBLIC DONT CALL YOUR FAG HAGS BITCHES OR DEROGATORY NAMES) sluts and bitches. Why all these non things? because you gotta not let people talk about you and create a scandal out of it. If you're not careful and you did one of these, and you get discriminated for being gay, its kinda your fault, isnt it?

But of course, how would you deal with questions like this (note all of them i have faced before):

"are you really gay? yuck what a scum"

"you're so pondan."

"come help me with this. maybe colleague x will offer his ass" <--joke. done in extremely bad taste

"careful dont let him follow me to the toilet.."

"why do you look like a girl sometimes? are you gay?"

Now, the best way to deflect all of these is to STOP ACTING CAMPY. stop the pondaning acts, the empress walk, the bitchiness and gawking at guys. Talk about girls. Talk about dating girls (just talk about your boyfriend, but give 'him' a female name to deflect). Ignore comments that are too over the top to show that you're not affected because you are not that way. The other point to remember is that straight guys do not have a gaydar and they wont know you're gay unless you're really campy (femme).

my answers used to be:

"So? what if i am gay? what is it in for you?"

"does it affect my job? if it dosent why is it your business again?"
"If you're one, please admit. im not into that kind of thing"

"Its not like they raped you in the toilet, so whats with all the hate?"

"I'm a bit femme because i used to be a girl. Im a guy now after surgery."

Usually, those shut them up good. real good.

is it a crime to be ashamed of being gay and pretending to be straight? some may find it hypocritical, but no gay pride is worth losing a job for, or creating a mess at the workplace. Its your livelihood. And it could all be avoided if you didint give yourself out. So why cari pasal (look for trouble?) you wouldnt go and ram your car into the traffic police, so why would you be all flamboyant at your workplace where homophobia is rampant? So yeps. Just be more careful and you wont feel the burning edge of those stupid homophobes.

one, two, three...

At least she says what we do is innocent

Threesomes. I've been requested by a friend (CJ) to write about the topic of threesomes. I've only been to one before tho. It was a couple where the older guy is a white man and used to be married with kids until he met his younger asian BF. They were a nice couple, and they wanted to check me out before they'd actually do it with me and they did. It felt good because for the first time it didint feel like a fling and they wanted to be friends. However they are often busy and because of that, we dont contact each other often. Both hold very high positions in the medical and marketing industry respectively, and they are very discreet due to their positions in their company.

It was pretty much a straightfoward thing. The asian picked me up from the LRT, we sat in the living room and enjoyed each other's company for a while, and the asian told me to go to take a shower. Then i went into the room with him where he started to play with my nipples and dick, before moving to the bed. The white guy joined in later.

When you're in a threesome with a couple, you're always the 3rd wheel or gigolo. It's never about your wants or needs; its always about theirs. I was denied of kisses, not allowed to top either of them or see them top each other. Only the asian topped me and they did a pretty good job coaxing my hole to open for them. It was my 1st time bottoming and it did feel good to bottom for people who really knew how to make me feel good or at least lessen the pain and humiliation. It did hurt so much that i couldnt give the white guy a proper blowjob and when the asian guy was completely in me, i didint even realize it but it did feel good (coz of his small member! around 4" and quite thin!). Both of them were so gentle and patient with me that it did feel good. Halfway through the asian sucked his bf's dick while topping me while i was sucking it. However the white guy did not want to top me as he saw how much pain i was in taking in his bf. He didint force himself on me while the asian hold me back (thankfully it didint happen! or back to the counselor's office again) it ended when i felt that i couldnt take it anymore and requested to stop.

From the couple, who has been together for almost 10 years now it is very obvious to me that both were tops, and their sex life is quite rare as it was not comfortable to top each other. So they wanted to a bottom and they liked my personality and i was willing to try. Both partners were willing to compromise with each other for a better sex life and that requires a certain level of maturity and trust. Its certainly not an easy feat and the white guy would keep telling me to not complicate things and he would refuse to meet me up if he was alone. He told me to never mention to his bf of an earlier coffee meetup with him where he did tell me not to put in any expectations ( i was horny at that time so to stifle it like that was very painful) and friendship comes first, sex is a bonus.

being a threesome is not exactly too enjoyable, but it certainly is something mind opening. because it shows you that if you love your bf enough and he is suffering from lack of sex due to whatever reason in the r/ship, or that if he loves variety, to do something that he'd enjoy and to suit his needs, not yours. It takes a lot of bravery and maturity for a couple to have a threesome RESPONSIBLY (condoms, no cum drinking or moneyshots...) but as the 3rd wheel, it is a very interesting experience, to have sex without you being the superstar and focus, and really focus on someone else for a change.

With that said, paring with the wrong couple might result in rape. So please use your discretion. My personal advice is to avoid unless, you know the couple well enough. I was just lucky this time, but not gonna try any more.

En Passant

It's very, very frustrating trying to procure new PLU friends. Because unlike straight people whom you just need to have a same interest with to just be friends, PLU people seem to have a bunch more of criterias. In addition, most will always be extra vary of who they are mixing with or talking to. The entire method and chemistry to get to know another gay guy as a friend is so different from getting to know a regular person as a friend.

I'd like to meet more GLBT bloggers around and be their friends because well, it would be a lot easier to connect and be with people who understand your preference for the same gender and not discriminate or judge you unfairly with. But sadly, most PLUs tend to discriminate against other PLUs for the smallest of reasons and they never hesitate to cut off contact if you turn out to have a quirk that they dont seem to like or if you said the wrong words. It happens to straight people too but at least they're more willing to talk it out most of the time. But with many, many PLU guys, it seems that i tend to get dismissed early even before they really get to know me first.

i've sent a few emails around trying to get to know more PLU bloggers, as so far the few i know are quite intellectual by nature and interesting in personality but yeah, only those that were introduced by friends could really be friends, those whom i tried to get to know via my own initiative (emails, FB messaging) seem to assume that im trying to get to know them with an ulterior motive of sex. Well, no. Not that interested in it although i do get the hots at times but its more satisfying to stifle it than to act on it. So if you're one of the bloggers whom i sent an email to, i'd just like more people to call a friend and talk and hang out with. Sex is the lowest of priorities and i'd heavily doubt that i'd be able to do it with you which is why i said, its not the main reason. The possibility of being a sex buddy would heavily depend on many, many factors in essence because it's very close to a boyfriend.

I had 4 followers and one unfollowed me after i popped him an email :( saying that i'd like to be friends. Now that really did make me sad for a while, but then again i realize that he'd probably wont be much of a friend anyway if he cant even reply to a simple email or even give me a chance in the first place. However, in memory there has been many, many many guys who have done this to me before. Most of them are PLU but a small amount of them are (supposedly) straight guys.

What's even sadder is that most PLU guys suffer discrimination in one way or another from the straight community, and now, even their own kind is out to make their lives harder and more painful to go through by treating them like commodities either for sex and even for friendship! "guys must be of a certain requirement to be my friend, or else i'll block and i wont even let him know! I'm this high up! you're sooooooooo not worth to be my friend! i'm just sooo exclusive hmph!" I'm personally more sympathetic towards other gays who want to be my friend (not on fridae, most of those want sex) because i understand their pain and lonliness and i wont wanna turn them away because i want to be the person that can lift their lonliness.

And we often wonder why are gays discriminated. Most often its not the sexuality but the attitude that they carry just turns people off and make others view them as the scum of society. I always wonder why is it so hard to be nicer to people for some, but the frequency is sadly higher in the PLU world. While in the straight world 9 out of 10 guys would probably say hi or reply back a mail asking to be friends, 8 out of 10 gay guys would most probably NOT reply unless they saw a picture of you that looks like an american/korean/british/japanese/taiwanese hunk. Not just in fridae but even in facebook or the blogsphere. With this attitude, how would you not expect to be discriminated against?

It'll be nice to make more gay or bi friends, but how many of them would actually be kind enough to respond to a simple "hi i'd like to be your friend" email? Is it really that hard to just type an email that says "sure!" or "sorry i'm not really that interested, hope you understand" email?

*runs back into cave and sulks*