Tu Er Shen

Its the year of the rabbit and guess what? there is a gay rabbit god for us gays. Apparently the god used to be a man who stalked his crush until his crush found out and then had him beaten to death and he was laughed at by the hell officials then made a god because he didint die of crime but of horniness true love. After reading the story...which gay man would believe it was true love lah. Coz apparently his crush is very handsome. We're all the same lah...

here's the story:

In the beginning of Ch'ing, a young imperial officer inspected Fu Jian (福建). A man called Hu Tian-Bao fell in love with the inspector. Each time the inspector opens a court session, Hu always hides beside him to see his face. The inspector felt strange, yet had no idea about the reason, others were afraid to say anything, too. One day, the inspector go to the other area to supervise. Hu couldn't help but follow him and peeped in the bathroom. The inspector suspected Hu's concoction and caught him to interrogate. After grilled, Hu finally confessed and said, "Indeed, I can never forget you after seeing your face, sire. I know that I have no chance to be with you. However, I still can't control myself to be so audacious." after hearing these words, the inspector was mad and beat him to death.

One month later, Hu Tian-Bao appeared in dreams of ones who lived in the county. He said, "I trespassed the magnate with audacity. Therefore I had a just death. However, since I did it for love, it was different from other criminals. There were officers in the underworld who laughed at me or ridicule me, but none of them was angry at me. Today the king appointed me the Tu Er Shen (兔兒神) to govern the affairs of men who loves each other. You can erect a shrine for me." In Fu Jian, There were cultures for homosexual men to be brothers in contract. They devoted to build the temple after hearing the story in the dream, and it was known to be efficacious. Time passed, it were crammed with prayers who had dated secretly, or had wishes which didn't come true. (from http://www.weimingtang.url.tw/en_history.htm）

(brothers here refer to a bf relationship: Although the province of Fujian was not alone in open homosexuality in the 17th century, it was the site of a unique system of male marriages, attested to by the scholar-bureaucrat Shen Defu and the writer Li Yu, and mythologized by in the folk tale, The Leveret Spirit. The older man in the union would play the masculine role as a qixiong or "adoptive older brother", paying a "bride price" to the family of the younger man- it was said virgins fetched higher prices- who became the qidi, or "adoptive younger brother". Li Yu described the ceremony, "They do not skip the three cups of tea or the six wedding rituals- it is just like a proper marriage with a formal wedding."^[40] The qidi then moved into the household of the qixiong, where he would be completely dependent on him, be treated as a son-in-law by the qixiongs parents, and possibly even help raise children adopted by the qixiong. These marriages could last as long as 20 years before both men were expected to marry women in order to procreate.^{[41] (from our beloved wiki)}

tuls and bubu bole lah try this r/ship out wahahhaa...tuls moving in and becoming the son in law!! kesian tuls..kena jadi bride. can imagine right? I will surely attend the wedding wan...unless im not invited again and only find out about in it people's blogs and FB statuses the next day after it is all over. Its okay. I'm still happy for them. :P

Apparently it is also normal for guys who are married to take on a young boy for...fun. Sometimes got threesome also in ancient china.

Okay okay...so about the gay rabbit god, he has a shrine somewhere in taiwan and GLBT people pray there to meet their true love or to bless their union with their partners. But really how would the heaven look like? (as in those ancient chinese films where they depict heaven as a nice mansion etc)...would the residence of the gay rabbit god turn out to be a huge luxurious gay sauna manned by scantily clad muscle bunnies? hmm. Or some really flashy office? lol.

But if he does exist, i do have a proposal for him. I wont ask for favors for myself because its not a good idea to ask for favors from someone you dont know but if he does have power over gays (lol...really....even the gay taoist priest that services his shrine in taiwan says the rabbit god works extra hard for the gays since he is one himself) i do have a few points i wanna bring up to him:

- Diva gays should be made to fall in love with a bf that will make them do house work, or pimp them so that they will learn to be more humble

- Guys living with their families should be granted a spell that will cause their family members to be sound asleep as they pleasure their lovers :p

- Guys with homophobic families should be given more goodies to compensate :x

- Guys who delight in tricking younger and more innocent gays to have sex with them or to exploit them emotionally should be punished with STD.

- Guys who are not living in reality and refuse to should be bitch slapped while taking in a butt plug without lube to wake them up.

- Fake tops (bottoms who refuse to bottom but top instead because they are selfish and afraid of pain) must be forced to bottom!

- Gays who abandon their friends and treat them like trash shall be cursed to be single forever. And not even get a pity fuck.

So hor, if these are implemented, there will be more happy PLUs around. And less drama. so good right. But its quite fun to know that there is a god for gays. At least there is still some entity that says its ok to be gay :P

love? what?

yes the fox is finally in love. with a guy that actually loves him back.

but its still too early to tell. we've barely met for a week.

but we've both agreed to take it slow. he's afraid of hurting me and vice versa. we've been communicating a whole lot since we met. And cuddled. And watched that &^%^(*^$&% movie Amphetamine while cuddling. It's a really bad description/sterotype of rape victims.

i just dont know how to handle these feelings. we want to be close to be each other but he refuses to consummate the relationship. Which is logical because we've only just met and we have such chemistry.

But what if he does turn out to be my first partner after her? I'm scared deep down inside. And i know...no matter how beautiful it is it will never last...and there will be many, many challenges.

It kinda reminded me of taiwanese drama about a mermaid who fell in love with a human, .or something like that dont remember. And then tak jadi coz different species mah. The world dosent need more mermaids also.

*googles*

inilah movienya!

The Beauty Mermaid is about a carp spirit that has been cultivating for 500 years. In the pond she has grew up in, was Mudan, who is bethrothed to Zhang Ziyou, however Mudan's parents (especially father) is set on marrying her to the Soilder's son, Jiang Yunfei, who is very evil and scheming. Xiaolian (carp spirit) helps Mudan and Ziyou meet secretly, but also because they were found out by Yunfei, together his father and Mudan's father plotted to kill of Ziyou, by framing him in violating Mudan. The goldfish spirit cannot bear seeing this, so saves Ziyou from beaten to death, and tells Mudan the truth, learning of this, Mudan's health began to deterrioate, and becomes too ill. Xiaolian tries to help them get together, but always being caught. Eventually, Mudan has to marry Yunfei and she dies on the wedding, when Xiaolian wanted to get them to escape together. Xiaolian cannot bear seeing Ziyou so sad, so she changes herself into Mudan and pretends to be her.

Xiaolian's carefree spirit, playfulness and fun really makes their days such happy and memorable. She teaches him a lot of things, such as how to simply enjoy life and not think about too much. However, this happiness does not last very long, before Ziyou finds out the truth and accuses of Xiaolian as the killer of Mudan.

In the mean time, Zhang Tianshi, the daoist and vows to kill demons (including carp spirit) is out hunting for the Yuanping pearl, which is on Xiaolian's mother. This threatens both of them greatly. Would Ziyou eventually learn of Xiaolian's kind intentions and accept her?

well sad ending lah. everyone dies or something lol. but it was a nice series. very touching also.

And i loved the ending theme but couldnt find it for years. I didint know what it means till now:

Original Ending:

Full ending:

And for the sake of us bananas out there, i'll be posting the lyrics (title means living alone):

Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo / 一個人生活 lyrics on

Ye zi zai chuang wai qing qing yao dong

Ren xing dao mei you xing ren zou guo

Jing zi li de wo hen bu xiang wo

Zi cong ni li kai le wo bian de hen ruan ruo

Ni de ying zi zai mei yi ge jiao luo

Hao xiang shi zai ti xing zhe wo

Shao le ni de pei ban wo xian zai you duo ji mo

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Wo xiang wo ke yi jia zhuang bu ceng ai guo

Bing liang de ye li rang yan lei wen re wo

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Zai ji ji li mian cha qu ni de cheng nuo

Ai ni zen me hui shi zhe ge jie guo

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Wo xiang wo ke yi jia zhuang bu ceng ai guo

Gan jue ru guo yao zou shei neng shuo NO

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Zai ji ji li mian cha qu ni de cheng nuo

Gently shake the leaves out of the window
No pedestrians walk the sidewalk
In the mirror I'm like my
Since you left me become very weak

Your shadow in every corner of the
Seems to remind me
Less how your company I'm lonely

I think I get used to a life
I think I can pretend that did not loved
Cold night to warm my tears

I think I get used to a life
Wipe the inside in the memory of your commitment
Love you, how is this result

I think I get used to a life
I think I can pretend that did not loved
Who can say if leaving NO sense

I think I get used to a life
Wipe the inside in the memory of your commitment
Love is a dream and I overslept

its kinda sad right?

I only rediscovered this song after hearing that fat taiwanese kid's cover of it. and im so loving it.

i love falling in love...but at the same time am afraid of what will eventually happen...or if he dosent want me at the end..

sanctity of relationships

A week ago, i chatted with a guy from the net who was a year younger. He had an 'attractive', twinky generic body with minimal 6pax and chest. He looked young. Dosent talk much on things and likes giving one line replies.

Then i asked him about his BFs, and he said he had 3. All of them only lasted for 3 months. And he laughed at that. I told him BFs are not just for pampering. He just sent a smile emoticon. Couldnt say much. Because i hit the target: he just wants the guy to give and he dosent want to give back. And he refused to work things out but choose to break up instead.

Do people even respect relationships anymore? i mean young is one thing but using guys like condoms for the comfort and company is a whole different game alltogether. Nevermind that he's kinda empty on the inside (can be picked up by his inability to talk about things). Young isnt really an excuse to play around with people: you're never too young to learn that toying with people is wrong. If you're not up for it, reject the offers.

As gays, we tend to take relationships more lightly that our straight or lesbian counterparts. The bf is for fucking and hanging out with. The end. If he fails to perform then its time to play with the backups. Or breakup time. Although i am meeting more and more couples (that are mostly in their 40s) who are willing to work things out, almost 75% of the guys i meet are not interested in that. That is also why so many people cheat on their partners: its not important for them. Their needs are more important than their partner or the partner's feelings and they dont care if it hurts their partner deeply.

Relationships are a sacred bond between 2 people. As long as these 2 people have agreed to be with each other, the bond is formed...and its up to them to keep this bond there. Once it's damaged it is hard to repair. That is why guys who cheat on their partners will end up single for a long time, or end up with a bf that mistreats them: because they dont respect the importance and significance of the relationship. And that's sad because these people wont be happy.

Why is it that most gay guys are unwilling to think deeper in their lives? more like they are afraid to think of what is deeper than just the surface. That is why they are so attached to looks and all the superficial things but not the deeper topics such as meaning of life and aspects of philosophy and spirituality. Because, they know once they go deeper, there is nothing there for them. It's empty. And it is painful to know that below the nice pecs, 6pax, chiseled face high income, its empty. There's nothing more. and Guess what? it dosent need to be that way. Meaning can be put there, when we get a goal in life and see past the emptiness.

Heavy thoughts for 2011

Sorry tuls, you'll probably not read this but here's another long and heavy post: after looking through at my goals for 2011, i found one that really made me happy: being chaste. As in turn off hunting mode and focus on other aspects on my life (which i was able to do for the first 8 months of 2010) but when i started seeing guys for dates, and having sex with them (because its okay to do it while dating, it shows that you're into r/ships and not just friends and once in the friends zone cant upgrade blah blah)...and i got depressed after being dumped and used by a few guys along the way...its like an addiction: guy A dumps you and then you look for the next one to offset the pain mana tau guy B also does the same and the pain builds up. So many broken promises and disappointing people and irresponsible behavior and selfishness: with gays its always me first me me me and i shall protect me even if the other guy hurts like hell. I wish to not be like this yet i keep encountering people who do this.

I found this quote while i was reading for something to alleviate my emotional pain:

Positive relationships sometimes can be wonderful. But you have to remember you are having a relationship with that person.

That person is the real object of your positive relationship. You don’t use that person to further a unhealthy relationship with yourself.

For some reason it made sense. And i dont think i want to get in a relationship if i would be using it to fuel my own agendas for one like getting sexually satisfied and just so that there's someone 'there' because i have that need. and i give my love to him/her/it for that purpose. then its like a mutual exploitation thing. The dating game is always fun but the rollercoaster crash is quite painful as well. Thats why some guys keep doing it and tricking guys into dating them and then dumping them after getting sex from these guys.

As for me, i just wanted to test my skills and see if they work. I am not afraid of a commitment but since i can convince myself to love anyone over time, it really isnt fair to the other guy. I admit i have been unsuccessful so many times, but it seems that im just doing it to prove something. I have been careful to not hurt their feelings, i did not when i was younger so this is probably the karma from that...

sexual needs aside, i can show the same care and affection to my friends and people around me, and not just to one person. i'll be doing just that from now on.

This song kinda sums up 2010...

buh bye 2010

Godamm writer's block. yeah thats why i was quiet and shit! Aside than having a really nice lunch with strictlygay and the otters on xmas day and got some really sweet gifts from them even tho i didint bought any for them (very paiseh...was in blur state after sickness)

2010 was an interesting year. I met a lot of new friends and gained a lot of new experiences. Got my iphone 4. started this blog and met up with strictlygay aka calvin and im glad to say he is a close friend. met the otters and they're the few rare gays in the world that can be good friends. They represent a new generation of gays who dont look at guys as sex objects only but as friends, actual friends. it's a complete change from my generation of guys.

more importantly, this is the year where i have healed from my sexual abuse, enough to be in a relationship with another man. It's really a giant leap forward for me. But then again another problem comes up: that there's no right guy out there for me; not even a make do one. It opens up a whole new challenge to me: learning how to bond with another human being on a deeper level. But well, i am Bi after all so girls are an option. If that happens, i'll just comment on gay issues and wont really touch dick. lol. because its the person that matters. This is what happens when you let go of expectations and you widen your boundaries: more experiences: you just dont really place a fixed thing on stuffs. As my boundaries get repaired, i learn to not give in to guys physically after being hurt by doing so again and again. I'm gonna keep those stories to myself. But basically, dating older guys is a bit harder because they can spawn lots of mindgames and they know exactly what to do to talk you in and then ignore you.

It's very hard for me, at least, to understand how people bond with each other. I dont seem to understand the hows and whys. it would be a giant leap of faith for me to try and bond with people even as very close friends. So many questions and so little answers. It is scary but if im not gonna do it, i will never learn and if dont learn, i'll be all empty and hollow inside.

I managed to hold out sexually with a pact with the Goddess to hold out sex for around 6 months and kinda broke it. But it does feel good to not think about guys for that 6 months. Am thinking of holding it again this year and see what happens, but only longer. Also gonna cut down on self service and focus on other things in my life. Life is too short to care for the needs of my cock. There's too many better stuffs to focus on like spiritual life and also long term goals.

there are so many milestones that i have achieved this year, yet so many more that i need to achieve to at least reach a workable level of my life. Seemingly impossible goals: get scholarship and resume studies (hopefully in another country) or quit job to do spiritual stuff full time/freelance. i'm seeing less and less meaning in so many things. I'm not satisfied with my choice of work: feels like i need to do something else, or rather should be doing something else.

as far as relationships go, the amount of time and energy ive spent on guys so far could have been better spent elsewhere. Experiences are always good but in this case, too little experience for too high the price. Time better spent on self improvement and bonding with friends rather than with weird strangers.

but i guess this year has been good to me and a lot of effort has been spent on making sure it happens that way.

i hate my milestones. but they're the things that give me hope sometimes.

That kinda wraps up 2010 for me. Sorry for the long post, but think of it like the influx of passing motion after 2 days of constipation. And 5 minutes of laxatives.

Happy 2011 ahead!

Types of couples

So the fox had another call to the goddess to exchange experiences. Apparently, she likes girls now. But nevermind. We were talking about the types of couples we have encountered and the outcome was pretty funny:

The dominant/submissive - goes without saying. the most common module

The master/slave - like the above, except more controlling and would probably involve SM

The master/pet - like the above, except no real love involved, just mutual exploitation

The double dragons - in a gay relationship, where both men have equal power over each other. Usually both tops who wrestle each other to see who gets to top who :P

The double phoenix - same as the above, except lesbians are more caring. Most probable to have rough revenge sex (ala bette and tina at the end of L word season 2)

The puppies - usually a young couple who are of the same age, and are always joking and horsing around each other *coughbubutulscough*

The cubs - like the above, except in a more sexually aggressive way. most likely to feast on a another person in threesomes and engage in them.

The dead fishes - couples who can hold the relationship with no sex. more applicable to lesbians

The snakes - couples who engage in group sex (10+ people) at a regular basis.

The double foxes - the couple many friends would avoid -- can happen to a str8, gay or les couple and mainly consists of 2 very smart and shrewd individuals. Some people call this the dragon & phoenix but nah. Fox is more like it.

The itchy pants couple - the real name for open relationship.

The itchy pants single - what happens when one person in the couple decides to cheat on his partner and gets joy and excitement out of knowing him or her can get away with it and fool his/her partner, effectively turning the other partner into a roommate. Most likely to end up having STD

The Bangkok/Singapore couple - the couple that takes frequent visits to these 2 countries but always comes back without photos or souvenirs. Most likely to also be the snakes.

The gym rats - when both couples are really, really buff and gym defines 1/4 of their week...i know many of us think muscles are fun but sadly they're also not as smart. Most likely to start selling sex videos to fund their supplements

The druggies - chem couples. avoid at all costs.

The trophy wife - when one of the partners happen to be a bimbo but with very good looks/body and the other partner has nothing but the smarts to con and chain down his trophy, which is more for showing off and sex rather than love.

The dad & boi - a daddy-son partnership where a younger guy gets an older gay guy as a mentor and a sex partner as well. practiced widely in sparta.

The sugardaddy - not a good thing. usually a younger attractive male who seduces someone and then becomes the property of that person. Most likely to be prostituted to his owner's friends.

The drama queens - dramatic couples who make everything in their life a huge thing. Very annoying to be with. If they're in the middle of a 'production', you would most probably be dragged into it and... Most likely to end with a spectacular bang. *wink wink*

The cinderella - when a rich person couples with an average income person.

The sex bunnies - that's the only thing they have in common.....most likely to breakup when everything starts to sag

The stepford couple - also known as the delusional couple. avoid at all costs for your mental sanity

The model couple - where both partners are blazing hot and good looking. most likely to break up soon.

The sarong party couple - where one of them is white and the other asian. Oddly, the asian is always the feminine and passive one in the relationship (not necessarily bottom), even in lesbian relationships.

The husband and wife - refers to a relationship where one of the partners are passive and the other aggressive, like a real man/woman couple

then she ended the convo with a lesbian lazer tongue: i know you like girls too, but guys are sooo much more easier to get along, right? Erm yeah. dont really wanna care and just goooo with the flow. literally.

I think i've got most of the couple dynamics that me and the goddess talked about. Are there more? leave a comment :p

cruel games

The fox may be powerful and old, but he still needs a companion.. someone to feed essence from, not just anyone but a stable, sincere person with a kind heart and matching intelligence level.

Intelligent white males can be cruel. and they can be very hard to handle. and they can get you to do what they want and enjoy looking at your agony when they tease and say stuff to antagonize you. And you need to play along as if you're not offended, or come back with something back in order to appear "interesting". It's not surprising -- older white males are rare in KL and they see the whole gay scene as a huge playground for them, used to amuse themselves. It's definitely fun to tease a guy till he likes you and then say things like "oh i have a bf" or "i dont need a bf or partner", "that was not love, that was sex" and then watch the alarmed and tensed up reaction of the 'victim'. It feels fun to have a leash on someone -- and watch him yelp in pain when you tug it.

Sadly, this fox did it before for fun, and now, he's at the receiving end. The white guy he's dating is playing hard to get and throwing all kinds of mindgames at him. It's understandable because mr White is rich, lonely, alone, unattractive and he wonders if the fox is after his money. His fridae profile in 6 months got double the views and hearts from the fox who has been around for 5 years. It's pretty obvious moneyboys circle him, hoping to get a piece of his money and to be lavished by White and because of this, he's extra cautious and he would use and milk every guy that attempts to date him -- then subjects them to a battery of cruel dating games: teasing them, saying that he loves them, then saying otherwise the next day, postponing meeting dates, talking about an invisible partner and being very candid and elusive about him...you name it. He does like fox as he finds fox more intelligent than most GAMs around, but he is still wary if the fox likes him for who he, and not for his money. He's smarter than the fox and knows how to corner fox into surrendering to him...

but the fox is equally smart and plays the game with him. since the fox has time and he is not always online; the fox wants to see how this old white fox can hold up to by giving him a taste of his own medicine sooner or later...he comes across as a bitter, old white fox who has been exploited and used by so many people and who has grown sly and heartless over the years. Along comes an interesting person with more to offer than just sex and company but he is still wary....

The fox understands and is offering his services as an escort and entertains him a little. But relationship wise, he is out of fox's list. Nobody wants a bitter old fox, even if he buys expensive dinners to placate. because he just wants to play hard to get and enjoys teasing and tugging heart strings. If he really wants fox, he'll have to try harder and stop this shit.

But it's all a learning experience for fox. After all, the fox needs the experience, even if he needs to settle. A guy with a good heart, stable mind and financial background appeals, because it shows he's ready to handle the fox. The fox is not into muscle marys, desperados, misers and bitter old queens....