vendredi 31 décembre 2010

buh bye 2010

Godamm writer's block. yeah thats why i was quiet and shit! Aside than having a really nice lunch with strictlygay and the otters on xmas day and got some really sweet gifts from them even tho i didint bought any for them (very paiseh...was in blur state after sickness)

2010 was an interesting year. I met a lot of new friends and gained a lot of new experiences. Got my iphone 4. started this blog and met up with strictlygay aka calvin and im glad to say he is a close friend. met the otters and they're the few rare gays in the world that can be good friends. They represent a new generation of gays who dont look at guys as sex objects only but as friends, actual friends. it's a complete change from my generation of guys.

more importantly, this is the year where i have healed from my sexual abuse, enough to be in a relationship with another man. It's really a giant leap forward for me. But then again another problem comes up: that there's no right guy out there for me; not even a make do one. It opens up a whole new challenge to me: learning how to bond with another human being on a deeper level. But well, i am Bi after all so girls are an option. If that happens, i'll just comment on gay issues and wont really touch dick. lol. because its the person that matters. This is what happens when you let go of expectations and you widen your boundaries: more experiences: you just dont really place a fixed thing on stuffs. As my boundaries get repaired, i learn to not give in to guys physically after being hurt by doing so again and again. I'm gonna keep those stories to myself. But basically, dating older guys is a bit harder because they can spawn lots of mindgames and they know exactly what to do to talk you in and then ignore you.

It's very hard for me, at least, to understand how people bond with each other. I dont seem to understand the hows and whys. it would be a giant leap of faith for me to try and bond with people even as very close friends. So many questions and so little answers. It is scary but if im not gonna do it, i will never learn and if dont learn, i'll be all empty and hollow inside.

I managed to hold out sexually with a pact with the Goddess to hold out sex for around 6 months and kinda broke it. But it does feel good to not think about guys for that 6 months. Am thinking of holding it again this year and see what happens, but only longer. Also gonna cut down on self service and focus on other things in my life. Life is too short to care for the needs of my cock. There's too many better stuffs to focus on like spiritual life and also long term goals.

there are so many milestones that i have achieved this year, yet so many more that i need to achieve to at least reach a workable level of my life. Seemingly impossible goals: get scholarship and resume studies (hopefully in another country) or quit job to do spiritual stuff full time/freelance. i'm seeing less and less meaning in so many things. I'm not satisfied with my choice of work: feels like i need to do something else, or rather should be doing something else.

as far as relationships go, the amount of time and energy ive spent on guys so far could have been better spent elsewhere. Experiences are always good but in this case, too little experience for too high the price. Time better spent on self improvement and bonding with friends rather than with weird strangers.

but i guess this year has been good to me and a lot of effort has been spent on making sure it happens that way.

i hate my milestones. but they're the things that give me hope sometimes.

That kinda wraps up 2010 for me. Sorry for the long post, but think of it like the influx of passing motion after 2 days of constipation. And 5 minutes of laxatives.

Happy 2011 ahead!

jeudi 9 décembre 2010

Types of couples

So the fox had another call to the goddess to exchange experiences. Apparently, she likes girls now. But nevermind. We were talking about the types of couples we have encountered and the outcome was pretty funny:

The dominant/submissive - goes without saying. the most common module

The master/slave - like the above, except more controlling and would probably involve SM

The master/pet - like the above, except no real love involved, just mutual exploitation

The double dragons - in a gay relationship, where both men have equal power over each other. Usually both tops who wrestle each other to see who gets to top who :P

The double phoenix - same as the above, except lesbians are more caring. Most probable to have rough revenge sex (ala bette and tina at the end of L word season 2)

The puppies - usually a young couple who are of the same age, and are always joking and horsing around each other *coughbubutulscough*

The cubs - like the above, except in a more sexually aggressive way. most likely to feast on a another person in threesomes and engage in them.

The dead fishes - couples who can hold the relationship with no sex. more applicable to lesbians

The snakes - couples who engage in group sex (10+ people) at a regular basis.

The double foxes - the couple many friends would avoid -- can happen to a str8, gay or les couple and mainly consists of 2 very smart and shrewd individuals. Some people call this the dragon & phoenix but nah. Fox is more like it.

The itchy pants couple - the real name for open relationship.

The itchy pants single - what happens when one person in the couple decides to cheat on his partner and gets joy and excitement out of knowing him or her can get away with it and fool his/her partner, effectively turning the other partner into a roommate. Most likely to end up having STD

The Bangkok/Singapore couple - the couple that takes frequent visits to these 2 countries but always comes back without photos or souvenirs. Most likely to also be the snakes.

The gym rats - when both couples are really, really buff and gym defines 1/4 of their week...i know many of us think muscles are fun but sadly they're also not as smart. Most likely to start selling sex videos to fund their supplements

The druggies - chem couples. avoid at all costs.

The trophy wife - when one of the partners happen to be a bimbo but with very good looks/body and the other partner has nothing but the smarts to con and chain down his trophy, which is more for showing off and sex rather than love.

The dad & boi - a daddy-son partnership where a younger guy gets an older gay guy as a mentor and a sex partner as well. practiced widely in sparta.

The sugardaddy - not a good thing. usually a younger attractive male who seduces someone and then becomes the property of that person. Most likely to be prostituted to his owner's friends.

The drama queens - dramatic couples who make everything in their life a huge thing. Very annoying to be with. If they're in the middle of a 'production', you would most probably be dragged into it and... Most likely to end with a spectacular bang. *wink wink*

The cinderella - when a rich person couples with an average income person.

The sex bunnies - that's the only thing they have in common.....most likely to breakup when everything starts to sag

The stepford couple - also known as the delusional couple. avoid at all costs for your mental sanity

The model couple - where both partners are blazing hot and good looking. most likely to break up soon.

The sarong party couple - where one of them is white and the other asian. Oddly, the asian is always the feminine and passive one in the relationship (not necessarily bottom), even in lesbian relationships.

The husband and wife - refers to a relationship where one of the partners are passive and the other aggressive, like a real man/woman couple

then she ended the convo with a lesbian lazer tongue: i know you like girls too, but guys are sooo much more easier to get along, right? Erm yeah. dont really wanna care and just goooo with the flow. literally.

I think i've got most of the couple dynamics that me and the goddess talked about. Are there more? leave a comment :p

vendredi 3 décembre 2010

cruel games

The fox may be powerful and old, but he still needs a companion.. someone to feed essence from, not just anyone but a stable, sincere person with a kind heart and matching intelligence level.

Intelligent white males can be cruel. and they can be very hard to handle. and they can get you to do what they want and enjoy looking at your agony when they tease and say stuff to antagonize you. And you need to play along as if you're not offended, or come back with something back in order to appear "interesting". It's not surprising -- older white males are rare in KL and they see the whole gay scene as a huge playground for them, used to amuse themselves. It's definitely fun to tease a guy till he likes you and then say things like "oh i have a bf" or "i dont need a bf or partner", "that was not love, that was sex" and then watch the alarmed and tensed up reaction of the 'victim'. It feels fun to have a leash on someone -- and watch him yelp in pain when you tug it.

Sadly, this fox did it before for fun, and now, he's at the receiving end. The white guy he's dating is playing hard to get and throwing all kinds of mindgames at him. It's understandable because mr White is rich, lonely, alone, unattractive and he wonders if the fox is after his money. His fridae profile in 6 months got double the views and hearts from the fox who has been around for 5 years. It's pretty obvious moneyboys circle him, hoping to get a piece of his money and to be lavished by White and because of this, he's extra cautious and he would use and milk every guy that attempts to date him -- then subjects them to a battery of cruel dating games: teasing them, saying that he loves them, then saying otherwise the next day, postponing meeting dates, talking about an invisible partner and being very candid and elusive about name it. He does like fox as he finds fox more intelligent than most GAMs around, but he is still wary if the fox likes him for who he, and not for his money. He's smarter than the fox and knows how to corner fox into surrendering to him...

but the fox is equally smart and plays the game with him. since the fox has time and he is not always online; the fox wants to see how this old white fox can hold up to by giving him a taste of his own medicine sooner or later...he comes across as a bitter, old white fox who has been exploited and used by so many people and who has grown sly and heartless over the years. Along comes an interesting person with more to offer than just sex and company but he is still wary....

The fox understands and is offering his services as an escort and entertains him a little. But relationship wise, he is out of fox's list. Nobody wants a bitter old fox, even if he buys expensive dinners to placate. because he just wants to play hard to get and enjoys teasing and tugging heart strings. If he really wants fox, he'll have to try harder and stop this shit.

But it's all a learning experience for fox. After all, the fox needs the experience, even if he needs to settle. A guy with a good heart, stable mind and financial background appeals, because it shows he's ready to handle the fox. The fox is not into muscle marys, desperados, misers and bitter old queens....