Personality test

Jane Birkin (imitating Serge Gainsbourg) & Charlotte Gainsbourg (imitating her mom)

So Calvin told me to try this out just now: a personality test! Its pretty accurate!

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. [[Yes. that is if they want lady gaga's half brother who is a lovechild of serge gainsbourg and bjork. yes i'm THAT weird. Ive lost count of the friends i scared away when i be myself in front of them. Any takers?]]

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.[[ Why same with Calvin's one ah?]]

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. [[This part is true.]]

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. [[*Looks around* I dont see them. Only desperate flies.]]

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. [[No. Gimme money and i'll study. This dream has been squashed like a virgin boy's first experience with a muscled man: they're not as fun or erotic as they look.]]

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success. [[Really? Even if i will feel like cinderella for the rest of my life? NON!]]

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. [[Success is when i become a celebrity and where i say fuck you to all the guys who ever dumped me and the people who were ever mean to me. I'm just kidding. Success is when i dont need to work but still have money to upkeep myself.]]

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.[[Guess why I have been single for so long. hint: its not the anger.]]

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. [[Shame on people who dont wanna give me a try talking about their problems to me for whatever reason. Its their loss! hmph!]]

I'd say this is accurate except for the opposite sex part. what opposite sex? i'm not into campy people. LOL.

Tu Er Shen

Its the year of the rabbit and guess what? there is a gay rabbit god for us gays. Apparently the god used to be a man who stalked his crush until his crush found out and then had him beaten to death and he was laughed at by the hell officials then made a god because he didint die of crime but of horniness true love. After reading the story...which gay man would believe it was true love lah. Coz apparently his crush is very handsome. We're all the same lah...

here's the story:

In the beginning of Ch'ing, a young imperial officer inspected Fu Jian (福建). A man called Hu Tian-Bao fell in love with the inspector. Each time the inspector opens a court session, Hu always hides beside him to see his face. The inspector felt strange, yet had no idea about the reason, others were afraid to say anything, too. One day, the inspector go to the other area to supervise. Hu couldn't help but follow him and peeped in the bathroom. The inspector suspected Hu's concoction and caught him to interrogate. After grilled, Hu finally confessed and said, "Indeed, I can never forget you after seeing your face, sire. I know that I have no chance to be with you. However, I still can't control myself to be so audacious." after hearing these words, the inspector was mad and beat him to death.

One month later, Hu Tian-Bao appeared in dreams of ones who lived in the county. He said, "I trespassed the magnate with audacity. Therefore I had a just death. However, since I did it for love, it was different from other criminals. There were officers in the underworld who laughed at me or ridicule me, but none of them was angry at me. Today the king appointed me the Tu Er Shen (兔兒神) to govern the affairs of men who loves each other. You can erect a shrine for me." In Fu Jian, There were cultures for homosexual men to be brothers in contract. They devoted to build the temple after hearing the story in the dream, and it was known to be efficacious. Time passed, it were crammed with prayers who had dated secretly, or had wishes which didn't come true. (from http://www.weimingtang.url.tw/en_history.htm）

(brothers here refer to a bf relationship: Although the province of Fujian was not alone in open homosexuality in the 17th century, it was the site of a unique system of male marriages, attested to by the scholar-bureaucrat Shen Defu and the writer Li Yu, and mythologized by in the folk tale, The Leveret Spirit. The older man in the union would play the masculine role as a qixiong or "adoptive older brother", paying a "bride price" to the family of the younger man- it was said virgins fetched higher prices- who became the qidi, or "adoptive younger brother". Li Yu described the ceremony, "They do not skip the three cups of tea or the six wedding rituals- it is just like a proper marriage with a formal wedding."^[40] The qidi then moved into the household of the qixiong, where he would be completely dependent on him, be treated as a son-in-law by the qixiongs parents, and possibly even help raise children adopted by the qixiong. These marriages could last as long as 20 years before both men were expected to marry women in order to procreate.^{[41] (from our beloved wiki)}

tuls and bubu bole lah try this r/ship out wahahhaa...tuls moving in and becoming the son in law!! kesian tuls..kena jadi bride. can imagine right? I will surely attend the wedding wan...unless im not invited again and only find out about in it people's blogs and FB statuses the next day after it is all over. Its okay. I'm still happy for them. :P

Apparently it is also normal for guys who are married to take on a young boy for...fun. Sometimes got threesome also in ancient china.

Okay okay...so about the gay rabbit god, he has a shrine somewhere in taiwan and GLBT people pray there to meet their true love or to bless their union with their partners. But really how would the heaven look like? (as in those ancient chinese films where they depict heaven as a nice mansion etc)...would the residence of the gay rabbit god turn out to be a huge luxurious gay sauna manned by scantily clad muscle bunnies? hmm. Or some really flashy office? lol.

But if he does exist, i do have a proposal for him. I wont ask for favors for myself because its not a good idea to ask for favors from someone you dont know but if he does have power over gays (lol...really....even the gay taoist priest that services his shrine in taiwan says the rabbit god works extra hard for the gays since he is one himself) i do have a few points i wanna bring up to him:

- Diva gays should be made to fall in love with a bf that will make them do house work, or pimp them so that they will learn to be more humble

- Guys living with their families should be granted a spell that will cause their family members to be sound asleep as they pleasure their lovers :p

- Guys with homophobic families should be given more goodies to compensate :x

- Guys who delight in tricking younger and more innocent gays to have sex with them or to exploit them emotionally should be punished with STD.

- Guys who are not living in reality and refuse to should be bitch slapped while taking in a butt plug without lube to wake them up.

- Fake tops (bottoms who refuse to bottom but top instead because they are selfish and afraid of pain) must be forced to bottom!

- Gays who abandon their friends and treat them like trash shall be cursed to be single forever. And not even get a pity fuck.

So hor, if these are implemented, there will be more happy PLUs around. And less drama. so good right. But its quite fun to know that there is a god for gays. At least there is still some entity that says its ok to be gay :P

love? what?

yes the fox is finally in love. with a guy that actually loves him back.

but its still too early to tell. we've barely met for a week.

but we've both agreed to take it slow. he's afraid of hurting me and vice versa. we've been communicating a whole lot since we met. And cuddled. And watched that &^%^(*^$&% movie Amphetamine while cuddling. It's a really bad description/sterotype of rape victims.

i just dont know how to handle these feelings. we want to be close to be each other but he refuses to consummate the relationship. Which is logical because we've only just met and we have such chemistry.

But what if he does turn out to be my first partner after her? I'm scared deep down inside. And i know...no matter how beautiful it is it will never last...and there will be many, many challenges.

It kinda reminded me of taiwanese drama about a mermaid who fell in love with a human, .or something like that dont remember. And then tak jadi coz different species mah. The world dosent need more mermaids also.

*googles*

inilah movienya!

The Beauty Mermaid is about a carp spirit that has been cultivating for 500 years. In the pond she has grew up in, was Mudan, who is bethrothed to Zhang Ziyou, however Mudan's parents (especially father) is set on marrying her to the Soilder's son, Jiang Yunfei, who is very evil and scheming. Xiaolian (carp spirit) helps Mudan and Ziyou meet secretly, but also because they were found out by Yunfei, together his father and Mudan's father plotted to kill of Ziyou, by framing him in violating Mudan. The goldfish spirit cannot bear seeing this, so saves Ziyou from beaten to death, and tells Mudan the truth, learning of this, Mudan's health began to deterrioate, and becomes too ill. Xiaolian tries to help them get together, but always being caught. Eventually, Mudan has to marry Yunfei and she dies on the wedding, when Xiaolian wanted to get them to escape together. Xiaolian cannot bear seeing Ziyou so sad, so she changes herself into Mudan and pretends to be her.

Xiaolian's carefree spirit, playfulness and fun really makes their days such happy and memorable. She teaches him a lot of things, such as how to simply enjoy life and not think about too much. However, this happiness does not last very long, before Ziyou finds out the truth and accuses of Xiaolian as the killer of Mudan.

In the mean time, Zhang Tianshi, the daoist and vows to kill demons (including carp spirit) is out hunting for the Yuanping pearl, which is on Xiaolian's mother. This threatens both of them greatly. Would Ziyou eventually learn of Xiaolian's kind intentions and accept her?

well sad ending lah. everyone dies or something lol. but it was a nice series. very touching also.

And i loved the ending theme but couldnt find it for years. I didint know what it means till now:

Original Ending:

Full ending:

And for the sake of us bananas out there, i'll be posting the lyrics (title means living alone):

Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo / 一個人生活 lyrics on

Ye zi zai chuang wai qing qing yao dong

Ren xing dao mei you xing ren zou guo

Jing zi li de wo hen bu xiang wo

Zi cong ni li kai le wo bian de hen ruan ruo

Ni de ying zi zai mei yi ge jiao luo

Hao xiang shi zai ti xing zhe wo

Shao le ni de pei ban wo xian zai you duo ji mo

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Wo xiang wo ke yi jia zhuang bu ceng ai guo

Bing liang de ye li rang yan lei wen re wo

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Zai ji ji li mian cha qu ni de cheng nuo

Ai ni zen me hui shi zhe ge jie guo

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Wo xiang wo ke yi jia zhuang bu ceng ai guo

Gan jue ru guo yao zou shei neng shuo NO

Wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo

Zai ji ji li mian cha qu ni de cheng nuo

Gently shake the leaves out of the window
No pedestrians walk the sidewalk
In the mirror I'm like my
Since you left me become very weak

Your shadow in every corner of the
Seems to remind me
Less how your company I'm lonely

I think I get used to a life
I think I can pretend that did not loved
Cold night to warm my tears

I think I get used to a life
Wipe the inside in the memory of your commitment
Love you, how is this result

I think I get used to a life
I think I can pretend that did not loved
Who can say if leaving NO sense

I think I get used to a life
Wipe the inside in the memory of your commitment
Love is a dream and I overslept

its kinda sad right?

I only rediscovered this song after hearing that fat taiwanese kid's cover of it. and im so loving it.

i love falling in love...but at the same time am afraid of what will eventually happen...or if he dosent want me at the end..

sanctity of relationships

A week ago, i chatted with a guy from the net who was a year younger. He had an 'attractive', twinky generic body with minimal 6pax and chest. He looked young. Dosent talk much on things and likes giving one line replies.

Then i asked him about his BFs, and he said he had 3. All of them only lasted for 3 months. And he laughed at that. I told him BFs are not just for pampering. He just sent a smile emoticon. Couldnt say much. Because i hit the target: he just wants the guy to give and he dosent want to give back. And he refused to work things out but choose to break up instead.

Do people even respect relationships anymore? i mean young is one thing but using guys like condoms for the comfort and company is a whole different game alltogether. Nevermind that he's kinda empty on the inside (can be picked up by his inability to talk about things). Young isnt really an excuse to play around with people: you're never too young to learn that toying with people is wrong. If you're not up for it, reject the offers.

As gays, we tend to take relationships more lightly that our straight or lesbian counterparts. The bf is for fucking and hanging out with. The end. If he fails to perform then its time to play with the backups. Or breakup time. Although i am meeting more and more couples (that are mostly in their 40s) who are willing to work things out, almost 75% of the guys i meet are not interested in that. That is also why so many people cheat on their partners: its not important for them. Their needs are more important than their partner or the partner's feelings and they dont care if it hurts their partner deeply.

Relationships are a sacred bond between 2 people. As long as these 2 people have agreed to be with each other, the bond is formed...and its up to them to keep this bond there. Once it's damaged it is hard to repair. That is why guys who cheat on their partners will end up single for a long time, or end up with a bf that mistreats them: because they dont respect the importance and significance of the relationship. And that's sad because these people wont be happy.

Why is it that most gay guys are unwilling to think deeper in their lives? more like they are afraid to think of what is deeper than just the surface. That is why they are so attached to looks and all the superficial things but not the deeper topics such as meaning of life and aspects of philosophy and spirituality. Because, they know once they go deeper, there is nothing there for them. It's empty. And it is painful to know that below the nice pecs, 6pax, chiseled face high income, its empty. There's nothing more. and Guess what? it dosent need to be that way. Meaning can be put there, when we get a goal in life and see past the emptiness.

Heavy thoughts for 2011

Sorry tuls, you'll probably not read this but here's another long and heavy post: after looking through at my goals for 2011, i found one that really made me happy: being chaste. As in turn off hunting mode and focus on other aspects on my life (which i was able to do for the first 8 months of 2010) but when i started seeing guys for dates, and having sex with them (because its okay to do it while dating, it shows that you're into r/ships and not just friends and once in the friends zone cant upgrade blah blah)...and i got depressed after being dumped and used by a few guys along the way...its like an addiction: guy A dumps you and then you look for the next one to offset the pain mana tau guy B also does the same and the pain builds up. So many broken promises and disappointing people and irresponsible behavior and selfishness: with gays its always me first me me me and i shall protect me even if the other guy hurts like hell. I wish to not be like this yet i keep encountering people who do this.

I found this quote while i was reading for something to alleviate my emotional pain:

Positive relationships sometimes can be wonderful. But you have to remember you are having a relationship with that person.

That person is the real object of your positive relationship. You don’t use that person to further a unhealthy relationship with yourself.

For some reason it made sense. And i dont think i want to get in a relationship if i would be using it to fuel my own agendas for one like getting sexually satisfied and just so that there's someone 'there' because i have that need. and i give my love to him/her/it for that purpose. then its like a mutual exploitation thing. The dating game is always fun but the rollercoaster crash is quite painful as well. Thats why some guys keep doing it and tricking guys into dating them and then dumping them after getting sex from these guys.

As for me, i just wanted to test my skills and see if they work. I am not afraid of a commitment but since i can convince myself to love anyone over time, it really isnt fair to the other guy. I admit i have been unsuccessful so many times, but it seems that im just doing it to prove something. I have been careful to not hurt their feelings, i did not when i was younger so this is probably the karma from that...

sexual needs aside, i can show the same care and affection to my friends and people around me, and not just to one person. i'll be doing just that from now on.

This song kinda sums up 2010...