mardi 28 septembre 2010

sauna flashing

the fox needs to suck up human energy once in a while. so after the human is done with his gym, he goes to the sauna/steam for the fox so that the fox can suck up as much male energy as possible which prevents the human from showing his fondan-ness. Fa
ir enough?

But you know what's the most fun part in being in a sauna?

It's the opportunity to expose your privates to others legally.

It's a very liberating feeling to see other men stare/gawk/avoid/hide from your privates, mainly because they dont have the guts to do so themselves.

I really dont get it why are most men so shy to expose it. It's a part of their body so it shouldnt matter especially in front of other guys. It's a really warm and raw feeling that you get, the universal bond between other men can be felt by seeing them naked together with you.

maybe i should really check out a nudist camp one day. there's a certain nice feeling to see other people's genitals out in the open together with yours :) i guess a small taste of them is during in one of the gay saunas. but the difference is in a nudist camp, it dosent end or start with sex. just enjoying other humans in their full nakedness.

mardi 14 septembre 2010

meeting with 2 otters :D

Otters Len and Pa. so cute right! So romantic! Quel Amor!

So last night while i was busy pumping at bodypump class, i got a call from otter (formerly the raccoon now i think he looks more like an otter) asking to meet up. This was supposed to happen last week but some how or rather the other otter had to take care of his pup brothers after mama and papa otter needed a romantic getaway. So okay i went to have dinner with them...

...and boy was it a riot! they were so funny especially when they have chemistry with each other and them teasing and horsing around. Otter Len likes to say shit, slut while Otter Pa sounds more like Len's owner and would snap at him in a funny way whenever Len say something wrong. As otters, both also got aneroxic problems (oh im not eating so much! i'll get fat!). we went to the feeding ground known as shilin with all the tiny ass portions (i had to wake up at 2am to eat something due to rumbling stomach, sleep back at 3 and came to work at 6am. and then skipped gym to type this post coz no point working out in a state of lack of sleep)

So we had a really nice 2 hour long chat with me laughing most of the time but there was a few really funny moments:

len: so my ex was a mix of 4 different shits
fox: 4 different shits? is he a toilet?
len: omg hahaha i dont mean to sound it that way i meant race but now you make it sound so funny
fox: lets see...brown ones, black ones
pa: diarrhea and constipated ones...
len: explodes into laughter

(pa raises his arms to illustrate something and since he was wearing extremely short sleeves, and lo and behold! the bush)
len: (keeps referencing to various forest names)

pa: its because of your stupid hickey that mom gave me a lecture. stupid len!
len: but i gave the softest wan lo how come ur neck so tafu wan
pa: you and your stupid condom!
len: and you used lotion on your 1st time and gave me diarrhea.


how the hell can that give diarrhea?

and in between (this happened like 2-3 times)

len: see i told you fox was weird
pa: yes and i will be meeting weirder people soon (he studies psychology)
len: yes but am i the weirdest
pa: yes you are
len: yay! im the weirdest one!

then the fox went home while they molested each other watched a movie at the cinema.

by now you could have guessed who is otter len and otter pa :P. they're both lanky twinks = otters! kihihihi.


len and pa, if you're reading this we should really hang out more often :) :D we get along well i feel heheheh

dimanche 12 septembre 2010

healing week

It's been a nice weekend of 3 nights of lack of sleep while i try to dig out old shits and heal them. Its not exactly the easiest thing to heal up old wounds and take care of them coz of the emotions and all. Being raped at 5 leaves a huge and deep mental scar yanno. It involves sexuality issues, DID, trust issues etc while needing to appear normal and cheerful. So those who complain that im emo, try going through that and then try to be 'normal'.

The thing is when you go through something like that you'll feel like your body's not yours and no matter what you do you'll only be a visitor renting your body. The feeling never really goes away no matter whats done. Its not about the act itself but the effects and the lack of security and trust that comes out.

So what i did was that i participated in a chatroom where other people with this problem and help talk to them and they talk to me about issues that we face. And there is progress and yeah i feel so much better these days.

i'm trying to find therapy tho. I think i may have DID. i'll talk about that later.

what's DID? It's being like this:

(this is the hollywood version. the real life versions are alot worse)

but unlike her, i remain in full control like the playstation 3 and they're just the games har har har.

jeudi 9 septembre 2010

perhaps, perhaps not

Sometimes i wonder if i am really gay

as i dont have emotional feelings for guys.

when someone gets too close emotionally i really freak out

but not physically.

i wonder why.

if i was really not gay, will i lose all my gay friends?

mardi 7 septembre 2010

What kind of person are you?

When you encounter a problem or when you realize that you have a flaw

do you

a) blame everyone around you, close up and be bitter because everyone will hurt you
b) lie to yourself, that it is okay but treat everyone else as if they owe you a good life, love and friendship
c) become bitter and manipulative because nobody can be trusted and nobody can accept your flaw


d) do something about it, face the painful parts even tho it hurts like a motherfucker and get better, even if nobody else understands except (maybe) for the therapist (or if lucky, 1-2 friends). Because you know NOBODY wants to be with a loser who keeps hurting people around him.

I've been all of those before. I've hurt so much people with my self-centeredness in the past that now i decided that it has to stop. And i am at 4) now. And with this i will be normal and i wont scare people. Its about not wanting to hurt people anymore. Because to the other people, there is no excuse for hurting them in this way.

I may still be the crazy bitch aka a Jenny Schecter but i hope one day i wont be.

but which kind of person are you?

vendredi 3 septembre 2010

Recent encounters

Me, my imagination and kumachan. My 3 best friends.

its been the fox's mating season lately and he has been rather frisky and the best way to describe him would be Kate Moss pleasuring herself in the commercial of YSL's Parisienne perfume. So he reopened his account in gayromeo to seek for people to have fun with. Someone that could supply pleasure and support to the fox. perhaps a BF, or just a sex buddy who's willing to supply the fox with cum. But in any case, the fox realized why he took himself off the market in the first place: too many lies and broken promises.

the problem is when gays are in heat they tend to promise many things just to get underneath the pants of another guy. And once they do its basically the end of the relationship between them both.

One guy saw my latest pics (ahem!!!) and he dropped his number and MSN almost immediately. We chatted online and he immediately wanted to meet with me but i was too tired. he told me that he'd meet me on friday and describe all the wonderful and erotic things that we could do and he went away for his dinner. He never replied further messages or left a phone number. So much for those erotic times.

Another guy showed his muscular body, and he was cut as well. he even sent me pictures of his cock and relentlessly pursued me on MSN and also left his phone number with me. I did not call. But sadly all he could talk about was sex and that he does it with guys, once a week. So should i offer myself to be another piece of his condom, to be worn and thrown away?!

Another malay guy left his phone and asked me to SMS him which i did just to see as he had a hot body and his face was okay. His profile said PJ but he said he's staying in puchong. he kept asking me to go to his place and that he would give fun time. I should have asked for an iPhone 4.

One of the guys happened to be someone that lived right across the street which i have had some sexual encounters before and he is quite old (in his mid-late 40s) and one of the last times we did it, his cock tasted funny and he sorta got pissed and refused to contact me. He stays alone and recently works from home. I thought of doing it with him again until when i asked him if hes still as fat, he told me to look for other guys. I got turned off at that point and kinda forced my lust in a hole. No way im gonna form a sex buddy relationship with a bitter old man with hygiene problems, especially with a pet cat that pees and poops almost everywhere, leaving the house smelling like kitty litter.

Yet another guy desperately asked me for my MSN and phone number, messaged me 10+ times and finally I added him to msn. And soon after that the conversation burned out as he cant think when he is not horny, it seems.

Another guy sent me a long PM with an invitation to date him on sunday (busy sorry) and the week after to gay nightclubs with his gay singaporean friends. Told him we could meet for coffee but sunday is not exactly a free day, and i dont club. Hmm. could be good.

but yes, as you can see, those are not the best places to look for guys and do i really want to treat myself like a rag? Might as well pay for the services of a professional gigolo who definitely has good technique and has the hottest body i can touch and feel rather than a free ride. Then its like a treat. Else it really does feel really shitty after the sex and it could need more time to recover from that. I dont feel that it is worth all that there is for an hour of pleasure and a few days of depression and lethargy. Am i really that not worth it that i had to find these desperate lametards and be one of them? nope. not anymore.

So really, is it really worth it now? Free sex but you know that after that nothing more and you felt that something inside of you just died. Most people just become numb to this and eventually STD develops. Perhaps my bf or someone i could trust would give me better and more guilt free sex..

I always have this fetish that my bf would be the guy who outperforms me in mindgames and in every other aspect of my life and he can prove it. He has to be the 'master' and im somewhat the 'beast slave' of the r/ship. then only i'll yield and accept him as a lover. However no guy would go to that extreme to want me so its just a dream :P

mercredi 1 septembre 2010

urinal encounter

correct protocol at the urinals.

After 2 really long posts, i'm gonna make a nice short one.

i was at a certain toilet in a certain hotel which is next to a certain supermarket, peeing. And lo and behold, i saw one of the most beautiful cocks attached to a westerner when i looked sideways. There was only 2 of us in the washroom.

He was playing with it as he was peeing. I could see his beautiful cut white cock in full view. there was a clear scar. I kept staring. It mesmerized me. But he never stared at my direction. He just kept on peeing and squeezing his penis. I was enjoying every moment of it.

We both finished peeing at the same time and he cleared his throat while looking at me. I knew then that he was straight and he was telling me that he's not comfortable with my staring. I walked out of the bathroom silently.

I was hoping that he could propose a number exchange or at least show interest in mine. But oh well.....

you never know the surprises a urinal can offer :P