It was also the start of Little Fox's deep and long trips to Depression Land. First, it would start off with being scolded by his parents which would prevent him from doing what he likes and blames all his failures on his favorite things. They went the extra mile to stop him from going to Kendo classes just because they did not like it. This kind of oppression caused Little Fox to really hate his parents and the rest of humanity as well. These depression trips would eventually last 2-3 months at an end. When it gets too intense, Little Fox would start to hallucinate and go to a world that keeps recurring in his dreams, a world that he created in his head, where he was Goddess's twin brother instead, living the perfect life. That would be the peak of his depression and he would skip college to stay at his room and not meet anyone except his family. Sometimes he'd cut himself with a blade on the wrists.
In college, the lack of trust and socialization made him a social freak and everyone distanced from him eventually, although in the beginning he was quite happy as people would want to be his friends. They did but eventually they found that he was too depressing to be with. This in turn, made Little Fox even more depressed. He turned to the net to search for friends and he found 2. One of them became his best friend.
The one who became his best friend, R, helped him all the way and answered all his questions. Eventually, in a few short months, Little Fox was touched by R's kindness and gestures, that he trusted him almost completely. However, R was not to be trusted as eventually, Little Fox realized that he was being manipulated by R for emotional reasons. R would drive all the way to PJ for a friend who faked a murder just to appear that he cares when it was pretty obvious the whole thing was a lie. Little Fox confronted him and it would be the start of many others. Some small, some big. The last straw was when R had a birthday party with everyone in the friends' circle, except for Little Fox. The people in that circle of friends later turned to enemies and started a backstabbing campaign against Little Fox. R ended the friendship immediately, denying any wrongdoing. Up to today, R is not on talking terms with Little Fox, although Little Fox has him in MSN but nothing ever happens.
College was more or less a disaster as Little Fox's dad enrolled him into a really bad college that had bad facilities and lecturers. He had to remain for 4 long years before he could graduate. With that said, Little Fox did lose interest in studying and being overconfident made him fail repeatedly.
Since then, Little Fox's life has been devoid of friends as he spends more time playing online games, his trust in people fading and eventually, he was nothing much other than a zombie, a robot, an unfeeling shell of a human being. He felt nothing.
Over the course of a few years, he'd make and lose friends at the same time. Most never met up with him and only remained as online friends. there was S, whom he had a crush with but decided to choose another guy instead and M who kept whining to him about someone she hated, but at the end chose to block him off due to a misunderstanding.
All the lonliness took a huge toll in Little Fox's heart. He hated himself and he would often make himself do funny things to "feel" himself but he never could. He had nightmares of gay sex for many years, and the pangs of loneliness made him want to hurt himself more and more, so he searched for gay people online to meet up with to have sex with. His first encounter was with a guy who found him through ICQ and coaxed him to be curious about other guys. He was a young man, around 5 years older than Little Fox, and quite muscular and good looking. When Little Fox met up with him, he showed Little Fox his penis, which made Little Fox feel thrilled. They exchanged handjobs but after he made Little Fox ejaculate, he refused to do so and sent him off quickly and cut all contact with Little Fox. Perhaps he was disappointed that Little Fox was slightly pudgy back then. The second guy was also coincidentally studying in his college. They went to Times Square's toilet and exchanged blowjobs. Little Fox feel disgusted and ashamed with himself after that, and the feeling that he needs to punish himself more drove himself to do it with more men, including fat, bottom of the barrel PLUs with attitude problems. One of them was a muscled old man in his 50s who works as a beautician instructor. Little Fox sucked him and his partner, and allowed himself to be sucked as well. There were a number of others, before he stopped for a very long period of time when he was caught with one of the guys in the times square toilets by security guards. That really slowed down his sexual activities quite a lot!
Over the course of 3-4 years, Little Fox had met up with at least 25 people, most of them for blowjobs or handjobs. Little Fox was and still is not fond of anal sex of any form. It seems that, loneliness triggers Little Fox's desires to seek another man to "punish" himself for those pangs of loneliness. Up to this day, if Little Fox is left alone for too long with no friends to talk to, he will start to hunger for a man to touch. But now he is fighting this feeling.
If you know Little Fox, just keep talking to him...........its going to stop him from depression as well as his sexual urges........