homophobia at work

I work in the IT industry. And one would expect that people around these quarters would be a little more open minded about the whole thing but it seems that nope, its not so, especially not in an IT company. Being inclined to guys and influenced by some friends, i do subconsciously give my sexuality away sometimes. And i do get teased and asked.

My colleague from the same dept did ask this: "are you really gay? if you are i will look down on you". Another problematic colleague who is always causing trouble would tease and imply that i am gay at every turn he gets. Worst trick he pulled out because he thought i was going after the girl he wanted was to change my wallpaper to gay anime pictures (he knew i love anime/manga). However the blame cant be pushed on him as there was no proof. He's homophobic and shows it openly and excessively and even went to courting a girl in office 4 hours a day for months just prove he's not gay. But its pretty obvious that he's closeted because he's trying too hard to prove he's not. That aside, some people do find it fun to spread rumors that i am and treat me differently because of that. Thankfully only 1-2 people behave that way, the rest like me for my friendliness (adapted) and my professionalism in work.

Most straight guys would just say "I hate gays because, they have a tool but instead of a ladypart they wanna do it to a man's ass. i just dont get WHY would they turn away from pretty girls" when asked on why they hated gays. The more idiotic ones would say "eewww gays. i hope they dont molest me." but as a gay guy how do you deflect such statements? You know coming out might cost you your career or give you a hard time at work, so just dont bring that topic to your attention. Dont go flamboyant and do femme things like tell your colleagues about chick flicks, guys and yanno you get it. Dont BITCH, auntie style. Dont call your friends (even those not in office via phone AND PLEASE NO NOT IN PUBLIC DONT CALL YOUR FAG HAGS BITCHES OR DEROGATORY NAMES) sluts and bitches. Why all these non things? because you gotta not let people talk about you and create a scandal out of it. If you're not careful and you did one of these, and you get discriminated for being gay, its kinda your fault, isnt it?

But of course, how would you deal with questions like this (note all of them i have faced before):

"are you really gay? yuck what a scum"

"you're so pondan."

"come help me with this. maybe colleague x will offer his ass" <--joke. done in extremely bad taste

"careful dont let him follow me to the toilet.."

"why do you look like a girl sometimes? are you gay?"

Now, the best way to deflect all of these is to STOP ACTING CAMPY. stop the pondaning acts, the empress walk, the bitchiness and gawking at guys. Talk about girls. Talk about dating girls (just talk about your boyfriend, but give 'him' a female name to deflect). Ignore comments that are too over the top to show that you're not affected because you are not that way. The other point to remember is that straight guys do not have a gaydar and they wont know you're gay unless you're really campy (femme).

my answers used to be:

"So? what if i am gay? what is it in for you?"

"does it affect my job? if it dosent why is it your business again?"
"If you're one, please admit. im not into that kind of thing"

"Its not like they raped you in the toilet, so whats with all the hate?"

"I'm a bit femme because i used to be a girl. Im a guy now after surgery."

Usually, those shut them up good. real good.

is it a crime to be ashamed of being gay and pretending to be straight? some may find it hypocritical, but no gay pride is worth losing a job for, or creating a mess at the workplace. Its your livelihood. And it could all be avoided if you didint give yourself out. So why cari pasal (look for trouble?) you wouldnt go and ram your car into the traffic police, so why would you be all flamboyant at your workplace where homophobia is rampant? So yeps. Just be more careful and you wont feel the burning edge of those stupid homophobes.